• Janie Brynolf

It's about the moments. Not the endings.

So often in life we confuse a tragic ending with the whole experience. What does a tragic ending look like? A breakup, a death, a job that ended badly, a friendship that dissolved, a series of decisions that ended in bankruptcy, something as simply as an evening out that ended in an argument or tears for whatever reason.


Tragic endings fall into the shoulda, coulda, woulda pile. That pile imposes self blame, guilt, disappointment in yourself cause, "you knew better." We'll call that the crap pile. Cause that is what in invokes, feeling like crap. When something ends in tragedy, it easily go to blame. Who's to blame? We can blame someone or something else, which makes us a victim. And you can't get out of victim, it puts all your power somewhere else and leaves you with no choice. We'll safely move that to the crap pile too. If we don't blame someone else, then we blame ourselves. Fantastic. Well, when we blame ourselves for a situation ending badly, it gives you choice in making a lot of future decisions, but it's hard to make a lot of great choices when you're toting around 20 extra pounds of guilt and self blame, it's like walking through quicksand. Can you feel the limitation that also comes with that, "I'll never do that again." "I learned my lesson." Can we put that in the crap pile too?


It's interesting how a tragic moment has the potential to trigger all kinds of past dissapointments and hurts. As pain and disappointment has the potential to find the source of all those energies stored in the brain and Hallmark them, or light them up like a pinball machine as they ding at once, and the ball crescendo's through all those hot spots and says "you will never find happiness, see!" "You can't trust people, see!" "Everyone dies on you, see!" "No one cares about your feelings, see!" "You're unlovable, see!" And you find all the points and proofs to just shut down. What's not highlighted in that moment is the smiles, the good, the miracles that have occurred. For some reason in our makeup, they don't light up like that in great moments to say "life is magical and I always come out on top, it always works out." Ex, "I won $20 on a scratch off, I found a quarter yesterday and someone bought me a free coffee a week ago, and I got a raise.... I always get easy money!" One process encourages hoplelessness, the other we manually have to go in and find those miracles and happy places. It hardly seems a fair design in this reality. It's a muscle that has to be trained, and it's rigorous. Lets build on the positive experiences before any tragic endings happened. Can you feel into that space? The smiles, the smells, the tastes, the music, the places that light up your heart... My point is not to cast out our whole experiences into a black hole that can consume you. Life is all about moments, each little moment. Don't confuse the moments with the ending.



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